“It’s hard when you constantly feel so fucking unwanted.”
— (via adrenaline)
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Broken thoughts
I really just can’t do it anymore. It’s both our faults, I know. I should of got help before I started dating you, I had way to many issues that I didn’t resolve and I’m sorry. You need someone that will love the full you, the way your mom fully loved your dad even though he hurt her over and over again. Now don’t get me wrong , I love you more then I’ve ever loved anyone. You are a great person and you have a heart of gold Douglas, I’ve never met someone so sensitive and witty as you, you will fight with me all night and then in the morning you will call me and beg to see me because you knew you fucked up, not a lot of people will admit when their wrong but no not you. I need some time alone to get better, I can’t trust you and I know that it’s both of our faults because you did drugs for 9 months and I always think people will fuck me over. I probably told this to you before but I have a problem with being in control, if I don’t have it I push away from the person and show them my happy side and my side that isn’t fully me or sometimes I just push you away all together and I won’t tell you anything. I am soooooooo comfortable with you because you gave me the control for the most part and I was happy, we were happy. You made me so comfortable, I don’t get comfortable with a lot of people because I get embarrassed very easily and my dad makes me have anxiety and makes me feel like I’m walking on egg shells and I don’t like when he’s around my people but the fact that you and him are close makes me never want to leave you but I need to think about myself sometimes. You really do get shit between me and him. I admire that, I wish you unstertood things like that more often with other things! When I found out you LIED to me for a hole 9 months every single part of me shattered and the pieces are still everywhere and I don’t know how to pick them back together. If you only knew how bad that hurt to find out you did that. Imagine for 9 months I blind sided you, would come to your house high as fuck and I would do it in your bathroom and waisted 1000s of dollars on it. You would wonder what else I was lying about, you head would always be spinning. There’s times were I can’t even think straight because my thoughts are so negative of you like I’ll think that your doing coke and you are out drinking getting blasted. Any body would of left you if they found that out but I didn’t because I love you and your soul, but I’m beginning to think that you think it’s okay to treat me bad and your able to do what you want. You knew I was going to be strict after I found out about the drugs and you said your okay with that but then you make fun of me all the time for making you have a limit and you talk shit about me to all of your friends. I’m done being the bad guy, I fucking care don’t you fucking see???!!?!! I have some deeeep issues that no one understands or even know about because I don’t want to talk about it. I tried telling you a couple times but you didn’t listen and you didn’t try and get it out of me but it’s okay I know that you are not a therapist or a deep person. I don’t know if I’m emotionally attached to you because of the trust we don’t have, I don’t know if this can be fixed but I need to figure it out. You don’t take me seriously when I talk. I feel disrespected and I can’t take the mental abuse while you are drunk. My dad mentally and physically abused me and I can’t have someone like that as my partner. God I really can’t live without you, I don’t know how to get us better because it’s the same things over and over again. I’m in a broken record that I can’t handle anymore.
-Sabrina
“I regret opening up to some people; they didn’t deserve to know me like that.”
— Unknown (via whatisthenormal)
“… The human heart beats approximately 4,000 times per hour and each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words, ‘You are still alive.’”
Rudy Francisco, Button Poetry // I believe some of you needed this; I know I do.
To whoever it concerns
I’ve never been good at telling myself that enough is enough. I have pushed through when it felt like the world was going to collapse right upon my shoulders. When walls would be crumbling down into nothing, I would always make sure to pick up the pieces & build it back up again.. And the same for anyone or anything.. I never seemed to have issues with fixing others, but when it came to myself.. I can’t seem to fix a goddamn thing. And I can’t apologize because I know I will never forgive myself.. Never forgive the fact that I pushed myself so far away, I don’t even know which part of me to forgive or apologize too..
But to whoever it concerns,
I’m sorry…
“She felt everything too deeply, it was like the world was too much for her.”
— Joyce Maynard Labor Day (via perrfectly)
“A MONTH AGO I TOLD MYSELF I WOULD SAVE MONEY BUT IM LITERALLY SPENDING MONEY LIKE IT COMES FROM MY BUTTHOLE LIKE ITS MAGIC OR SOMETHING HELP ME”
“If i cry infront of you, i’m really hurting. I hate crying infront of people. I feel weak, like i’m begging for sympathy and thats just not me..”
“I don’t think my friends will ever know how much they mean to me like thank you for making my life worth living, you know who you are”
“IF SOMEONE HURT YOU, THEY DON’T GET TO TELL YOU TO STOP BEING MAD OR BITTER ABOUT WHAT THEY DID. YOU’RE ALLOWED TO BE MAD AND TAKE TIME TO HEAL FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT, THEY GOT NO SAY IN UR HEALING PROCESS.”
hidethesorrow